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saya

Hello darkness (aka PMS), my old friend

Posted on 2008.08.21 at 00:54
I think I have 3 different feelings I get when I'm PMSing. I'm either a) a frantic wanna-get-out-of-this-place, cut-myself-open-to-see-my-insides-come-out, miserable wretch; b) a ridiculously-happy-manic freak; or c) an introspective, faux-poetic, self-loathing loser.

Tonight it happens to be C. I haven't even had any fucking down-time. I JUST sat down at the computer and had the flash of "I wish I could write something witty" kind of thought. In certain ways, I feel superior to many people I meet. But there are those few whom everyone just likes and wants to be close to. And I never understand what it is about them? They're not normally the nicest people. Not saying they're mean, just not over-the-top-bubbly nice. They're not always the most attractive, not always the most loyal, not always the suavest. They're not the ones buying you things, they're not the ones pushing an agenda, they're not the ones who need you. They're never the ones who need you. Maybe that's why it's not me. I need people. I really do. I need that approval patch Ellen talked about. "It releases small doses of approval until I no longer crave it, then I'm gonna rip it off." Know what those people are? They are always the FUNNIEST. That is what they are. Is that the most important thing? Apparently so. The funniest one is always the one no one has qualms with. Always the one everyone wants to be around, wants to be liked by, and no one talks bad about behind their backs.

Fuck you, funny people.

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